Can People Really Be Addicted to Food?
This is an interesting article concerning food addiction. When I started reading this my inital reaction was DUH... was there ever a doubt that food addiction was a real thing? Well aparently it was, go figure. Those of us who have had to deal with addiction of any kind would recognise it as such, no question, but now it would seem science backs us up...
Addiction is addiction, is addiction, is addiction... it really is not ever about the substance, its about that feeling you get...which is the whole reason behind addictions in the first place.
I remember this episode from a long ago show called Star Trec next Generation. It was about these glasses an a game... the whole ship got addicted to the game, because of the pleasure sensors in the brain... that is exactly what addiction is... for me it was food, and smoking... and I dabbled in a few others but was able to recognise it for what it was and make it stop before it got to bad...and as the artical states, I do come from a very long line of alcholics and enablers ( which I believe is an addiction within itself) and a drug addict or two... ( yes you can be addicted to prescription meds). I know that this is something I will have to fight my whole life... I also know as I put time and distance between me and what eve the substance is it does get a little easier, but the threat of cross addiction or transfer addiction (hello facebook) is ever present...
Now I do have some questions though...
Are some addictions better then others?
We can become addicted to TV, playing games, the internet, excercising, shopping, gambling, sex, helping, hording, and so on and so on and so on...Some of these are socially acceptable... but they can all become addictive... its about our response to what ever, and why we do it... are we still using what ever it is to numb ourselves, to escape from our emotions, to not think, to not feel.... What is it that is going to give you that rush, and why. I dont think we can seperate the why's from the addiction... The more I understand my why's the easier it becomes to get a handle on it...sometimes my whys change... sometimes it takes a little more digging to get to the why, and sometimes I just want to wallow in it for a while... but I am working very hard at being totally honest with myself and recognise what is happening when it is happening....
This is an ongoing issue... so there will be more to come
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I have a lap
Look at this... do you know what that it is? Its a lap. For a very long time a lap was an endangered species, coming very close to being extinct, but through hard work and a careful diet, the lap has not only been saved, but has even made an appearance as you can see in this picture. Laps are favorites of grandchildren every where. I was so excited when I got in the car the other day and looked down and saw my lap. In the past it would hide there behind the knees and only peek out once in awhile, but this morning there in all its glory was My Lap. I just had to take a picture and share with all of you. It has been a rare sight, but it is forecast for the lap to start making more and more appearances, becoming less shy and showing itself more and more... Oh happy day
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Weighty Matters: CBC's Village on a Diet episode 1 recap: Never mind about the diet part.
Weighty Matters: CBC's Village on a Diet episode 1 recap: Never mind about the diet part.
this is why I can not watch shows like this...do they really not get it, that for long term success it really is not this easy... that is so much more then just move more, eat less.... so very much more... yes you can loose weight doing that... I can atest to that, I have literally lost hundreds if not thousands of pounds over my almost 50 years now... my mother had me put on amphetemines when I was 8... so tell me, if it really is only about moving more, or eating less... how the hell did I get to 379 pounds?
This is truly a disservice to not only the people of that town but to all the people who watch the show and think that if only they could do what the people on the show were doing... it really just does not work that way
this is why I can not watch shows like this...do they really not get it, that for long term success it really is not this easy... that is so much more then just move more, eat less.... so very much more... yes you can loose weight doing that... I can atest to that, I have literally lost hundreds if not thousands of pounds over my almost 50 years now... my mother had me put on amphetemines when I was 8... so tell me, if it really is only about moving more, or eating less... how the hell did I get to 379 pounds?
This is truly a disservice to not only the people of that town but to all the people who watch the show and think that if only they could do what the people on the show were doing... it really just does not work that way
Underneath All Addictions . . . Codependency? « Overactive Fork
Underneath All Addictions . . . Codependency? « Overactive Fork I need to think on this one.., a whole new way of looking at food addiction, as well as other addictions
This is the first Blog I ever wrote..originally at ObeistyHelp... it is almost a year now since I began this journey and I wanted to look back and see where my mind was at compared to where it is at now....
Last week I truly began the first steps on my journey to a better life. I am taking all the steps to get the gastric lap band surgery and this is an honest record of that journey.
Why do I say that the butterfly is sprouting wings? Because I have felt like I have been in a cocoon for the last 10 or so of my life, and with all the changes I have going on this year, I feel like I’m fighting my way out of the cocoon now, and soon will be sitting in the sun letting my wings dry preparing to take glorious flight.
These are pictures of how I am now. To say that I hate to have my picture taken is a massive understatement. This is not what I look like in my minds eye… that person just can not really be me. I have spent the last 10 years or so never really looking at my self in the mirror, at least not below my shoulders, so at some point what I have allowed my self to become was a huge horrible shock.,
I have become that person I swore I never would. Looks like the jokes on me
I did not really start out this way. Yes I was a big child, but nothing like this. I was always very tall for my age and bigger then the other kids, but I was healthy. I was active. I was not this. I am sad and angry and mystified at how this all happened, but most of all I am determined that I will not go into the next part of my life like this. I will never be skinny, I will never be thin. That is not in my genetics. But what I will be is healthy. What I will be is active. What I will do is live, love and laugh, and make the absolute best of the rest of my life. I will be 50 years old next year. No longer can I hide in the cocoon of fat that I have created for myself. No longer am I safe here. It is time to take all that life can throw at me and grab hold for the ride. This is just the beginning, and I can’t wait for it to start. I am excited in a way that I have not been in many years. I am hopeful for the future and all that it holds.
I Like what I wrote here... and I am very happy to say that I am even more excited about what the future has to offer, but more importantly I think is that for the most part I wake each day with joy in my heart and an excitement for my life today. Now a life without all the meds that I was on, a life that includes walking and breathing at the same time...I feel a lightness now that really has nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with learning to love myself, and learning to take care of my self and coming to the realization that I am worth it.. what every it is, I am worth it... A beautiful woman named Teresa from
http://teresajourneyshome.wordpress.com/author/teresajourneyshome/ wrote today about the story of the butterfly's struggle from the cocoon....
Struggle is Good! I Want to Fly!
Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.
As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly
I love this story... It reminds me of all the struggles I have had to get to this point and it tells me that there has been a purpose in all of it... and that purpose is to create in me the person I was created to be... I will fly... I will stretch my wings and fly...and am actually in the process of learning to do just that right now...
In her post Teresa talks about sticking her head in the sand... I did that for so long as well, I think most of us do... we stop looking in the mirror and we stop stepping on the scales, and we do what ever we have to do to keep from acknowledging that there is a problem...
What really kicked me in the but was my health... the fact of the matter is that I was not going to live a whole lot longer if I did not make some drastic changes very quickly...So I started doing what I had to do... and one of the first things I did and one of the best things I did was to start seeing a therapist, and I made myself a promise... I promised myself that she would be the one person on earth that I would be be brutally honest with... no hiding, no hedging, no caring what she thought about me... there was absolutely no point in doing this if I was not going to be honest and I just did not have the time to play games with her or with myself... and even today, I still say it was the best decision I ever made... the second was to get the surgery...
I actually started this journey 10 years ago.. just before I would turn 40... I had so much inner work to do before I could even begin to think about the outside...
there is a proverb that says, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" I have been blessed during this time with reading the right book at the right moment, listening to the right lecture at the right moment, each step of the way was guided by a loving hand and it brought me to where I am now... for which I will forever be eternally grateful
Last week I truly began the first steps on my journey to a better life. I am taking all the steps to get the gastric lap band surgery and this is an honest record of that journey. Why do I say that the butterfly is sprouting wings? Because I have felt like I have been in a cocoon for the last 10 or so of my life, and with all the changes I have going on this year, I feel like I’m fighting my way out of the cocoon now, and soon will be sitting in the sun letting my wings dry preparing to take glorious flight.
These are pictures of how I am now. To say that I hate to have my picture taken is a massive understatement. This is not what I look like in my minds eye… that person just can not really be me. I have spent the last 10 years or so never really looking at my self in the mirror, at least not below my shoulders, so at some point what I have allowed my self to become was a huge horrible shock.,
I have become that person I swore I never would. Looks like the jokes on me
I did not really start out this way. Yes I was a big child, but nothing like this. I was always very tall for my age and bigger then the other kids, but I was healthy. I was active. I was not this. I am sad and angry and mystified at how this all happened, but most of all I am determined that I will not go into the next part of my life like this. I will never be skinny, I will never be thin. That is not in my genetics. But what I will be is healthy. What I will be is active. What I will do is live, love and laugh, and make the absolute best of the rest of my life. I will be 50 years old next year. No longer can I hide in the cocoon of fat that I have created for myself. No longer am I safe here. It is time to take all that life can throw at me and grab hold for the ride. This is just the beginning, and I can’t wait for it to start. I am excited in a way that I have not been in many years. I am hopeful for the future and all that it holds.
I Like what I wrote here... and I am very happy to say that I am even more excited about what the future has to offer, but more importantly I think is that for the most part I wake each day with joy in my heart and an excitement for my life today. Now a life without all the meds that I was on, a life that includes walking and breathing at the same time...I feel a lightness now that really has nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with learning to love myself, and learning to take care of my self and coming to the realization that I am worth it.. what every it is, I am worth it... A beautiful woman named Teresa from
http://teresajourneyshome.wordpress.com/author/teresajourneyshome/ wrote today about the story of the butterfly's struggle from the cocoon....
Struggle is Good! I Want to Fly!
Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.
As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly
I love this story... It reminds me of all the struggles I have had to get to this point and it tells me that there has been a purpose in all of it... and that purpose is to create in me the person I was created to be... I will fly... I will stretch my wings and fly...and am actually in the process of learning to do just that right now...
In her post Teresa talks about sticking her head in the sand... I did that for so long as well, I think most of us do... we stop looking in the mirror and we stop stepping on the scales, and we do what ever we have to do to keep from acknowledging that there is a problem...
What really kicked me in the but was my health... the fact of the matter is that I was not going to live a whole lot longer if I did not make some drastic changes very quickly...So I started doing what I had to do... and one of the first things I did and one of the best things I did was to start seeing a therapist, and I made myself a promise... I promised myself that she would be the one person on earth that I would be be brutally honest with... no hiding, no hedging, no caring what she thought about me... there was absolutely no point in doing this if I was not going to be honest and I just did not have the time to play games with her or with myself... and even today, I still say it was the best decision I ever made... the second was to get the surgery...
I actually started this journey 10 years ago.. just before I would turn 40... I had so much inner work to do before I could even begin to think about the outside...
there is a proverb that says, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" I have been blessed during this time with reading the right book at the right moment, listening to the right lecture at the right moment, each step of the way was guided by a loving hand and it brought me to where I am now... for which I will forever be eternally grateful
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
People in our lives are there for a reason
I was thinking about someone who had helped me greatly on this journey that I am on this morning and tried to look him up... We lost touch last year and I had no other way of getting in touch with him at the time. Because he was in very poor health and the last call we had he tried to tell me good by ( but I did not let him), I assumed that he had passed away. I was angry. And I got stuck there for a while.
This morning I was reading an article on how the relationships in our lives are there to help create in us the people we were created to be, and my heart soften, I remembered all the things I had learned while in the relationship with this man. He really taught me so very much about myself. Loving him really was one of the best things in my life. Though I really believed that he had past away, finding out that it was true... that broke my heart.
What did I learn from him. I think the most important thing he taught me was that I could really love again, and that there was someone out there I could connect with on the level that I wanted to connect with. At the time I had met this man I had not really fallen in love in many many years. I thought I had already had and lost my "one" true love and that was that. He showed me otherwise and so very much more.
Being with him showed me how I had always lost myself in the relationships I was in, always trying to be what/who I "thought" the other person wanted me to be rather then just being "me" the person they were attracted to in the first place.
Being with him also showed me how I was drawn to men who where so very much like my biological father, in looks but also in personality and characteristics. Now this was very interesting to me since I never really knew my biological father...I did not meat him till I was 16 and only saw him a handful of times till he passed away last year.
About two years ago I had the opportunity to get many of the men who had shared my life together in the same room, and it was quite frightening, not only did they share the same physical characteristics for the most part, but they all had similar personalities, just different extremes. And they were all wounded, they all were emotionally distant. They all had beards, they all (with the exception of one ) were varying degrees of over weight, they were all "rough" men capable of a little class when needed. They were all aged bad boys to different degrees.
This man I am writing about was no different. And I loved him deeply, I still do and always will. Just as I love all the men who have been part of my life.
My relationship with this man though was what opened my eyes to this pattern in my life. He was never satisfied with the status quo, he wanted to know why I did things that I did, Why did I change who I was to try and make him happy? And in asking those kinds of questions and demanding answers from me, he taught me so very much about myself. We had a deep intellectual connection... we "got" each other. He was not perfect, far from it... But he was totally honest with me from the beginning, and we could talk... really talk.. I have really missed him in my life, I have missed the conversations we had.
He also helped to vastly improve my life. He wanted only the best for me, and helped me find the desire for the best for myself within myself. Because of him I was able to quit smoking... he gave me a whole new way of thinking about it that was so instrumental in my being about to lay them down and never pick them up again. I know he would have been so happy to see the changes that I have made in my life and happier still to know that I made them for myself... I will continue to miss him, and continue to love him, and today I really begin mourning for the loss of him. I am no longer angry, just grieving the loss of his own brand of brilliance, while celebrating that same brand of brilliance. Leonard Cass of Spencer Tennessee, you are greatly loved and greatly missed.
This morning I was reading an article on how the relationships in our lives are there to help create in us the people we were created to be, and my heart soften, I remembered all the things I had learned while in the relationship with this man. He really taught me so very much about myself. Loving him really was one of the best things in my life. Though I really believed that he had past away, finding out that it was true... that broke my heart.
What did I learn from him. I think the most important thing he taught me was that I could really love again, and that there was someone out there I could connect with on the level that I wanted to connect with. At the time I had met this man I had not really fallen in love in many many years. I thought I had already had and lost my "one" true love and that was that. He showed me otherwise and so very much more.
Being with him showed me how I had always lost myself in the relationships I was in, always trying to be what/who I "thought" the other person wanted me to be rather then just being "me" the person they were attracted to in the first place.
Being with him also showed me how I was drawn to men who where so very much like my biological father, in looks but also in personality and characteristics. Now this was very interesting to me since I never really knew my biological father...I did not meat him till I was 16 and only saw him a handful of times till he passed away last year.
About two years ago I had the opportunity to get many of the men who had shared my life together in the same room, and it was quite frightening, not only did they share the same physical characteristics for the most part, but they all had similar personalities, just different extremes. And they were all wounded, they all were emotionally distant. They all had beards, they all (with the exception of one ) were varying degrees of over weight, they were all "rough" men capable of a little class when needed. They were all aged bad boys to different degrees.
This man I am writing about was no different. And I loved him deeply, I still do and always will. Just as I love all the men who have been part of my life.
My relationship with this man though was what opened my eyes to this pattern in my life. He was never satisfied with the status quo, he wanted to know why I did things that I did, Why did I change who I was to try and make him happy? And in asking those kinds of questions and demanding answers from me, he taught me so very much about myself. We had a deep intellectual connection... we "got" each other. He was not perfect, far from it... But he was totally honest with me from the beginning, and we could talk... really talk.. I have really missed him in my life, I have missed the conversations we had.
He also helped to vastly improve my life. He wanted only the best for me, and helped me find the desire for the best for myself within myself. Because of him I was able to quit smoking... he gave me a whole new way of thinking about it that was so instrumental in my being about to lay them down and never pick them up again. I know he would have been so happy to see the changes that I have made in my life and happier still to know that I made them for myself... I will continue to miss him, and continue to love him, and today I really begin mourning for the loss of him. I am no longer angry, just grieving the loss of his own brand of brilliance, while celebrating that same brand of brilliance. Leonard Cass of Spencer Tennessee, you are greatly loved and greatly missed.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Bariatric Vagina MonoBLOG…The Angry Vagina! « Teresa Journeys Home
Bariatric Vagina MonoBLOG…The Angry Vagina! « Teresa Journeys Home
This is a truly amazing blog...the connection that I feel with Teresa floors me sometimes
This is a truly amazing blog...the connection that I feel with Teresa floors me sometimes
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Years Resolutions or not
With the new year upon us, and so many posting on whether they are going to do a new years resolution I have been thinking on this hard.. for about a week now it has been steeping at the back of my mind...
I don't want to actually do a new years resolution because to me, for me it has a negative connotation to it... I have change something... so I want to put a positive spin on it...No resolutions, but I do have goals I want to meet this year... I think that is why I was able to do most of the things I set out to do last year, I set down just a few well thought out goals for my year and then stuck with it until I met them... (which by the way was a miracle in itself...)
So that decision made, no resolutions, goals instead...exactly what do I want to do this year? What is it that I want to achieve? How will I go about achieving them?
what were the goals that I set out last year?
1. do what I had to do to get the bariatric surgery.
2. do what I had to do to ensure that the surgery was a success.
3. concentrate on myself for the whole year. A gift to myself.
4. quit smoking
What is it that I wanted to achieve from these goals? I wanted a better self image. I wanted to stop being so sick and tired all the time. I had high everything, blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, sleep apnea, copd, asthma, I was on oxygen, and a cpap machine... and I was just turning 49. I was also 379 pounds in Feb last year. I was depressed and in pain and I could not walk and breathe at the same time. I wanted to change my life...I wanted to live my life... I wanted to feel passion again about something, anything... I wanted to feel better... Hell, I wanted anything other then what I had.
So what did I do? I went to my surgeons seminar for the surgery, I filled out the paper work and sent it in and got my appointment. (that's when I found out that I would have to quit smoking)... On Feb 7th I had my last cigarette as I was going to the hospital because I could not breathe. I spent a few days in the hospital and came out a non smoker... a week later the doctor put me on oxygen... fun...I also started seeing a therapist... who I adore.. we dealt with so many issues in the six months that I was seeing her.
I went to every appointment and jumped through every hoop that was required of me to do what I knew I had to do... and on October 11 I got the surgery... since my highest weight at 379 in Feb, and the 352 I weighed when I had the surgery I am now below 300... I am off blood pressure meds, I am off blood sugar meds, I am off the oxygen... I can actually walk and breathe at the same time... (yeah me)...and where I actually hated my life, I love my life... I have learned to love myself, that I am actually worth the effort that I am putting into myself... and so are my children and my grandchildren and my friends they are all worth the effort that I am putting into myself so I can stick around for all of them, and hopefully show them that they are worth it as well...
I have a long way to go to reach my goal of 150 and that goal is not set in stone... ultimately I just want to be where ever I am the healthiest, happiest me I can be, I don't mind taking some time to get there. I don't sweat it when my body decides to hang on to a couple of pounds for a week or so as it adjust to the new me... I know that as long as I am doing what I need to do it will come off...
So again back to the main question, exactly what goals do I have for this year?
This year I am turning 50...
1. I want to go on a cruise. I really don't care where, but I want to go on a great big ship and go out in the ocean and sail around for a while... like with most things in my life, its not so much about the destination as it is about the journey.
2. I want to get a DSLR camera. I love photography. it is one of those things that I am passionate about. I want to pursue that passion this year.
3. Photo Shop... this one ties in with the one above...its also about pursuing that passion.
4. I want to find a personal trainer who I can connect with, to help me in my goal to be as healthy as I can be.
5. I want to have my own place. It occurred to me that I have never lived alone...I am going to be 50 years old and I have never lived alone... I want to get a small apartment, and even if it is just for a while, I want my own place. I want to decorate it the way I like, I want to get the furniture that is my style. I am discovering who I am... what I like, and I want to continue that.
6. I want to help others...this one is kinda broad but I really do want to help others feel like a success on their journey.
7. I want to go to a Obesity Help confrence. I want to meet the people who I have come to care for on line.
Last year, I gave myself the gift of concentrating on myself. I give that same gift to myself again. I have learned that rather then making me shallow, or selfish, or conceited... in giving myself time, I have more time and energy for others... in taking care of myself, I am better equipped to take care of others, which is one of the things that gives me joy...
So those are my goals for 2011... my 50th year... I will make more along the way, goals for the day, week month, moment... mostly I want to Live, Love and Laugh throughout this whole year...
I don't want to actually do a new years resolution because to me, for me it has a negative connotation to it... I have change something... so I want to put a positive spin on it...No resolutions, but I do have goals I want to meet this year... I think that is why I was able to do most of the things I set out to do last year, I set down just a few well thought out goals for my year and then stuck with it until I met them... (which by the way was a miracle in itself...)
So that decision made, no resolutions, goals instead...exactly what do I want to do this year? What is it that I want to achieve? How will I go about achieving them?
what were the goals that I set out last year?
1. do what I had to do to get the bariatric surgery.
2. do what I had to do to ensure that the surgery was a success.
3. concentrate on myself for the whole year. A gift to myself.
4. quit smoking
What is it that I wanted to achieve from these goals? I wanted a better self image. I wanted to stop being so sick and tired all the time. I had high everything, blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, sleep apnea, copd, asthma, I was on oxygen, and a cpap machine... and I was just turning 49. I was also 379 pounds in Feb last year. I was depressed and in pain and I could not walk and breathe at the same time. I wanted to change my life...I wanted to live my life... I wanted to feel passion again about something, anything... I wanted to feel better... Hell, I wanted anything other then what I had.
So what did I do? I went to my surgeons seminar for the surgery, I filled out the paper work and sent it in and got my appointment. (that's when I found out that I would have to quit smoking)... On Feb 7th I had my last cigarette as I was going to the hospital because I could not breathe. I spent a few days in the hospital and came out a non smoker... a week later the doctor put me on oxygen... fun...I also started seeing a therapist... who I adore.. we dealt with so many issues in the six months that I was seeing her.
I went to every appointment and jumped through every hoop that was required of me to do what I knew I had to do... and on October 11 I got the surgery... since my highest weight at 379 in Feb, and the 352 I weighed when I had the surgery I am now below 300... I am off blood pressure meds, I am off blood sugar meds, I am off the oxygen... I can actually walk and breathe at the same time... (yeah me)...and where I actually hated my life, I love my life... I have learned to love myself, that I am actually worth the effort that I am putting into myself... and so are my children and my grandchildren and my friends they are all worth the effort that I am putting into myself so I can stick around for all of them, and hopefully show them that they are worth it as well...
I have a long way to go to reach my goal of 150 and that goal is not set in stone... ultimately I just want to be where ever I am the healthiest, happiest me I can be, I don't mind taking some time to get there. I don't sweat it when my body decides to hang on to a couple of pounds for a week or so as it adjust to the new me... I know that as long as I am doing what I need to do it will come off...
So again back to the main question, exactly what goals do I have for this year?
This year I am turning 50...
1. I want to go on a cruise. I really don't care where, but I want to go on a great big ship and go out in the ocean and sail around for a while... like with most things in my life, its not so much about the destination as it is about the journey.
2. I want to get a DSLR camera. I love photography. it is one of those things that I am passionate about. I want to pursue that passion this year.
3. Photo Shop... this one ties in with the one above...its also about pursuing that passion.
4. I want to find a personal trainer who I can connect with, to help me in my goal to be as healthy as I can be.
5. I want to have my own place. It occurred to me that I have never lived alone...I am going to be 50 years old and I have never lived alone... I want to get a small apartment, and even if it is just for a while, I want my own place. I want to decorate it the way I like, I want to get the furniture that is my style. I am discovering who I am... what I like, and I want to continue that.
6. I want to help others...this one is kinda broad but I really do want to help others feel like a success on their journey.
7. I want to go to a Obesity Help confrence. I want to meet the people who I have come to care for on line.
Last year, I gave myself the gift of concentrating on myself. I give that same gift to myself again. I have learned that rather then making me shallow, or selfish, or conceited... in giving myself time, I have more time and energy for others... in taking care of myself, I am better equipped to take care of others, which is one of the things that gives me joy...
So those are my goals for 2011... my 50th year... I will make more along the way, goals for the day, week month, moment... mostly I want to Live, Love and Laugh throughout this whole year...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)