Dining Out Bariatric Style: Carrabba's

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Carrabba's: "http://www.carrabbas.com/ Tonight a friend and I went to Carrabba's for dinner. I have to say that we had a wonderful time. It was the first..."

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Rib City N. Ft Myers, FL

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Rib City N. Ft Myers, FL: "Tonight we when to Rib City in N.Ft.Myers for dinner. I have to admit that I am enjoying going out to eat more. Its not just about the food ..."

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Boat House Bar and Grill, Ft Myers

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Boat House Bar and Grill, Ft Myers: " Boathouse Bar and Grill This I have to admit was not my first visit to Boathouse Bar and Grill on Daniels Parkway, next to I-75 in Ft..."

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Perkins Family Restruants

Dining Out Bariatric Style: Perkins Family Restruants: "Finding somewhere to eat on Christmas morning is not all that easy. We finally ended up at Perkins Family Restaurant on Homestead in Lehigh ..."

New Years Resolutions

Every year before Christmas I start thinking about the year to come. I get a sense of what that year may have in store for  me, and plan accordingly. Now I will admit that I have been ADD most of my life and usually "forget" that I even made plans for the new year, much less what they were by the time January 1 rolls around, but the last couple of years have been a little different. I have not "forgotten" and this past year I actually was able to do everything I set out to do this year. OK so my big goal this year was to get bariatric surgery, but those of you on this journey know how hard that can be. For someone with ADD it can become impossible.. we forget appointments, and fail to follow through especially when we hit a little resistance, and there was plenty of that. I am proud of my accomplishments this past year, and whats more is that the success I feel sets me up for more success this coming year... woo woo... how awesome is that.

So, what do I want out of the year to come? What is it that I want to accomplish this year? I will be turning 50 in March so that factors into my goals as well... that is such a Hugh milestone. Other things that factor in, is the fact that I did have bariatric surgery this year, and my body will be different, my health is improved, my energy levels are up... all of this factors into what I want my next year to be.

1. I want to go on a Cruise for my birthday. The destination to me is not as important as the journey. The Bahamas would be nice, but so would the virgin islands or even Porto Rico. For me it really is about the journey at least this time.

2.a I want to find a personal trainer to work with me on getting more physically fit. Now that I can move some, now that I have more energy, I want to use it... I want to improve it.

2.b On that note I want to join a gym and start working out regularly. This is difficult...besides the whole ADD thing, there is the fact that I have never worked out on a regular basis for more then a couple of weeks at the most in my life... I want to change that.

3. I want a DSLR camera. My passion is photography, and it has been that passion that has kept me moving toward my goal of becoming healthier and more fit. I want to continue to pursue that passion.

4. I want to move into my own apartment. I have never lived alone. First with my parents, then friends, then my husband, then my children, then my mother, and friends, and lovers, and now my daughter. I am going to be 50 years old and I want my own place. Some where I do not have to take someone elses taste into consideration. My style, my colors, my taste.

5. I want to keep going on this same path that I have found myself, physically with the weight loss and better health of course, but also mentally and emotionally, and spiritually... I am loving my life, and learning to love and  respect me...

Last year I gave myself the gift of One Year, where my main focus would be on myself. Not something that was easy for me. I was one of those people who would put what everyone else wanted and needed above myself. Because of some early issues and emotional trauma in my life, I guess I did not feel that I was worthy of my attention. Everyone else came first and it made me feel good to be that way. It worked for me for many years, but then like some many other dysfunctional mindsets at some point it ceased to work for me but I was stuck in that singular way of doing things. One of my goals for last year was to break that mindset. To learn that I really am worth my attention. I learned so much from that... I learned that focusing on myself did not make me selfish or greedy, instead it gave me the energy and desire to do for others, but from a different perspective. Not because I had to, or was suppose to, but because I wanted to...When I am doing for others now its with joy in my heart, not from a sense of obligation. So I think I am going  to give myself another year. I've earned it... and I am worth it...
I can not wait to see what the new year brings.

This piture was taken at the start of my 'journey". Feb 2010. I believe I was at my heaviest here, 379. I just quit smoking but I would soon be on oxygen 24/7.  I could not breathe and walk at the same time. I had high blood sugar, high blood pressure, high cholesteral, high triglicerides, COPD, asthma, sever sleep apnea, and a god awful perm. I was depressed (who wouldn't be?)

10/5 One week before surgery, I was at 352, having lost 27 pounds before surgery. I was doing somewhat better. I was still on oxygen alot of the time, but not 24/7. I was excited about the up coming surgery.

12/1/2010... 300 pounds. I was so excited to see that number... this is the least I have weighed in the last 5 years...79 pounds and 26 inches so far...I can breathe, I am off of the oxygen, my blood sugar is down, my blood pressure is down, I am sleeping so much better, and actually feeling rested in the mornings. I have more energy, and just plain feel so much better. You really dont know how bad you feel until you stop feeling bad.

I am excited about my life. I am looking forward to each and every day... I am well and truly blessed.



Destined to Transform

DestinyDeb's Transformation... an interesting title if I do say so myself. At the time I was choosing it, I don't think I really gave it much thought. But now... lets see what it really says... 

Wikipedia says Destiny refers to a predetermined course of events.^[1] It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual. It is a concept based on the belief that there is a fixed natural order to the cosmos.

plural des·ti·nies

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ says:

Definition of DESTINY

1: something to which a person or thing is destined : fortune <wants to control his own destiny>

2: a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency

Definition of TRANSFORMATION

1: an act, process, or instance of transforming or being transformed

Definition of TRANSFORM

transitive verb

1a : to change in composition or structure b : to change the outward form or appearance of c : to change in character or condition : convert

 

A predetermined coarse of events, that led to an act, process, or instance of changing in composition, or structure, the outward appearance and/or the character or condition...

 

I like that... and it really describes my life to date.

I remember being in my friends house, discussing destiny and predetermination, and at the time I just could not accept it. I was so angry, so wounded and hurt, I remember after "debating" the subject for a while, turning to her and saying, "if predestination is true, then God and I have a problem". and that ended that discussion. It was so hard for me to see in that moment that maybe there was a purpose and a plan for my life, and for all the things I had gone through up to that point. But that moment I think truly began the journey that I have been on ever since.

Let me tell you that I love my life and I love the person I have grown to be, and that in and of itself is a miracle. There was a time that I hated myself and my life to such a degree that I wanted to end both my life and myself. A time when I was in so much pain emotionally and mentally that I just could not function. The only reason I did not become a drug addict or alcholic was because I could not afford it. I had dealt with every kind of abuse imaginable, sexual abuse, emotional, mental, physical abuse, abandonment, rejection. I felt worthless and not only unloved but unlovable. I was trying to care for 4 children alone in poverty, I could not afford to go to work, the cost of day care alone was more then I could have made in a week. For someone to try and tell me then that every thing I had gone through was predestined, or preordained, theatened my faith, and everything else.

Now 20 years later I can see how all of that was part of "creating in me the person I was created to be". The "transformation" that has happened over the last 20 years and the transformation that is still happening is amazing, and one that I am eternally grateful for. The "outside" transformation has just begun. Like a butterfly I think the most important part of the transformation is done inside, hidden from all others... and it is only once that transformation is complete that you can escape from the cocoon and begin to fly.

Where once I hate my life and wanted to end it, Now I love my life and am excited to see what is coming up next. Where once I hate myself and did not want to keep living, Now I can not wait to see what each day brings. I wake up with joy every morning. And because of all that I have been through, I have great appreciation for that joy, for the peace and contentment that I have discovered in my life, and in myself.

The Beginning

I was wondering where to start with this, I have been keeping a blog at ObesityHelp.com for a while now, but am ready to try something different...

That is really what all this is about isn't it, doing something different...

Let me start somewhat at the beginning. On October 11, 2010 I had bariatric surgery done. After a life time of Obesity, I took the very drastic step of having surgery. The first week I lost 25 pounds. Whoo Hooo you may be saying, (I was) but that really is not realistic, and I knew that as well. The second week, I lost 6 pounds, much more realistic.
I have promised myself that I will not allow myself to weigh more then once a week. I have seen way to many posts where someone has had their day or week ruined because the scale did not move, I refuse to live and die by the scale.

Right now I am on mushy foods. One of the things that bothered me is that I happen to enjoy food. I enjoy cooking, and I enjoy eating "really good" food, and I refuse to take the mind set that food in my enemy. I was concerned that part of who I am would have to change, and it has... its even more so... when I can only eat a few bites of something I want those few bites to count... I want them to be bursting with flavor. So now I think about how I can make something taste better.
For instance.. I went to the farmers market and bought 2 yellow summer squash,(1.00) 2 zucchini (1.00) and 2 sweet potatoes (1.00), and 1 bag of baby spinach (1.00) so for 4.00 I have veggies for more then a week

Summer Squash and Zucchini with canned chicken
I sliced 1 squash and 1 zucchini and 1/2 yellow onion thinly
and then sauteed it in a little olive oil and a pat of unsalted butter til tender
then I added the can of chicken, drained, and 1 chicken bouillon cube with 1 cup of water, with some garlic power and celery salt... I simmered this until the broth reduced...
This was soft enough to mush up with a fork and was OMG good...
This makes about 3 or 4 cups of food, but I can only eat a spoonful, (about 1 to 1 1/2 ounce) so this makes many meals for me. The rest of the family even liked it and I had to hide it so I could have some later :-)

Sauteed Baby Spinach
1/2 pound of fresh baby spinach, rinsed, drained and patted dry
2 slices of bacon
about 1/2 med yellow onion (what was left over from the squash)
1/2 cup of water
1 chicken bouillon cube

I diced the bacon and sauteed it, I added diced onion and cooked both till the fat rendered out of the bacon and it was crispy and the onions were translucent, I then added the baby spinach and sauteed it till it cooked down... it would be wonderful for anyone at this point but was still not tender enough for my purposes, I then added the the chicken cube and water and simmered it till the water was reduced, I then put it all in a food processor and pureed it...
I added a spoon full (about 1 oz ) to my plate and topped it with a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese... OMG that was delicious.

These are two very simple recipes, but full of flavor, made with fresh organic produce and cost me very little.
Yes I have to change.. that's what transformation is really all about isn't it? The thing is, change does not have to mean stop, or different... change can mean better, improved, I have to change the way I deal with food, but I don't have to change the fact that I enjoy food and like to cook... that is part of who I am and one of the many parts that I like about me.