Can People Really Be Addicted to Food?
This is an interesting article concerning food addiction. When I started reading this my inital reaction was DUH... was there ever a doubt that food addiction was a real thing? Well aparently it was, go figure. Those of us who have had to deal with addiction of any kind would recognise it as such, no question, but now it would seem science backs us up...
Addiction is addiction, is addiction, is addiction... it really is not ever about the substance, its about that feeling you get...which is the whole reason behind addictions in the first place.
I remember this episode from a long ago show called Star Trec next Generation. It was about these glasses an a game... the whole ship got addicted to the game, because of the pleasure sensors in the brain... that is exactly what addiction is... for me it was food, and smoking... and I dabbled in a few others but was able to recognise it for what it was and make it stop before it got to bad...and as the artical states, I do come from a very long line of alcholics and enablers ( which I believe is an addiction within itself) and a drug addict or two... ( yes you can be addicted to prescription meds). I know that this is something I will have to fight my whole life... I also know as I put time and distance between me and what eve the substance is it does get a little easier, but the threat of cross addiction or transfer addiction (hello facebook) is ever present...
Now I do have some questions though...
Are some addictions better then others?
We can become addicted to TV, playing games, the internet, excercising, shopping, gambling, sex, helping, hording, and so on and so on and so on...Some of these are socially acceptable... but they can all become addictive... its about our response to what ever, and why we do it... are we still using what ever it is to numb ourselves, to escape from our emotions, to not think, to not feel.... What is it that is going to give you that rush, and why. I dont think we can seperate the why's from the addiction... The more I understand my why's the easier it becomes to get a handle on it...sometimes my whys change... sometimes it takes a little more digging to get to the why, and sometimes I just want to wallow in it for a while... but I am working very hard at being totally honest with myself and recognise what is happening when it is happening....
This is an ongoing issue... so there will be more to come
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I have a lap
Look at this... do you know what that it is? Its a lap. For a very long time a lap was an endangered species, coming very close to being extinct, but through hard work and a careful diet, the lap has not only been saved, but has even made an appearance as you can see in this picture. Laps are favorites of grandchildren every where. I was so excited when I got in the car the other day and looked down and saw my lap. In the past it would hide there behind the knees and only peek out once in awhile, but this morning there in all its glory was My Lap. I just had to take a picture and share with all of you. It has been a rare sight, but it is forecast for the lap to start making more and more appearances, becoming less shy and showing itself more and more... Oh happy day
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Weighty Matters: CBC's Village on a Diet episode 1 recap: Never mind about the diet part.
Weighty Matters: CBC's Village on a Diet episode 1 recap: Never mind about the diet part.
this is why I can not watch shows like this...do they really not get it, that for long term success it really is not this easy... that is so much more then just move more, eat less.... so very much more... yes you can loose weight doing that... I can atest to that, I have literally lost hundreds if not thousands of pounds over my almost 50 years now... my mother had me put on amphetemines when I was 8... so tell me, if it really is only about moving more, or eating less... how the hell did I get to 379 pounds?
This is truly a disservice to not only the people of that town but to all the people who watch the show and think that if only they could do what the people on the show were doing... it really just does not work that way
this is why I can not watch shows like this...do they really not get it, that for long term success it really is not this easy... that is so much more then just move more, eat less.... so very much more... yes you can loose weight doing that... I can atest to that, I have literally lost hundreds if not thousands of pounds over my almost 50 years now... my mother had me put on amphetemines when I was 8... so tell me, if it really is only about moving more, or eating less... how the hell did I get to 379 pounds?
This is truly a disservice to not only the people of that town but to all the people who watch the show and think that if only they could do what the people on the show were doing... it really just does not work that way
Underneath All Addictions . . . Codependency? « Overactive Fork
Underneath All Addictions . . . Codependency? « Overactive Fork I need to think on this one.., a whole new way of looking at food addiction, as well as other addictions
This is the first Blog I ever wrote..originally at ObeistyHelp... it is almost a year now since I began this journey and I wanted to look back and see where my mind was at compared to where it is at now....
Last week I truly began the first steps on my journey to a better life. I am taking all the steps to get the gastric lap band surgery and this is an honest record of that journey.
Why do I say that the butterfly is sprouting wings? Because I have felt like I have been in a cocoon for the last 10 or so of my life, and with all the changes I have going on this year, I feel like I’m fighting my way out of the cocoon now, and soon will be sitting in the sun letting my wings dry preparing to take glorious flight.
These are pictures of how I am now. To say that I hate to have my picture taken is a massive understatement. This is not what I look like in my minds eye… that person just can not really be me. I have spent the last 10 years or so never really looking at my self in the mirror, at least not below my shoulders, so at some point what I have allowed my self to become was a huge horrible shock.,
I have become that person I swore I never would. Looks like the jokes on me
I did not really start out this way. Yes I was a big child, but nothing like this. I was always very tall for my age and bigger then the other kids, but I was healthy. I was active. I was not this. I am sad and angry and mystified at how this all happened, but most of all I am determined that I will not go into the next part of my life like this. I will never be skinny, I will never be thin. That is not in my genetics. But what I will be is healthy. What I will be is active. What I will do is live, love and laugh, and make the absolute best of the rest of my life. I will be 50 years old next year. No longer can I hide in the cocoon of fat that I have created for myself. No longer am I safe here. It is time to take all that life can throw at me and grab hold for the ride. This is just the beginning, and I can’t wait for it to start. I am excited in a way that I have not been in many years. I am hopeful for the future and all that it holds.
I Like what I wrote here... and I am very happy to say that I am even more excited about what the future has to offer, but more importantly I think is that for the most part I wake each day with joy in my heart and an excitement for my life today. Now a life without all the meds that I was on, a life that includes walking and breathing at the same time...I feel a lightness now that really has nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with learning to love myself, and learning to take care of my self and coming to the realization that I am worth it.. what every it is, I am worth it... A beautiful woman named Teresa from
http://teresajourneyshome.wordpress.com/author/teresajourneyshome/ wrote today about the story of the butterfly's struggle from the cocoon....
Struggle is Good! I Want to Fly!
Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.
As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly
I love this story... It reminds me of all the struggles I have had to get to this point and it tells me that there has been a purpose in all of it... and that purpose is to create in me the person I was created to be... I will fly... I will stretch my wings and fly...and am actually in the process of learning to do just that right now...
In her post Teresa talks about sticking her head in the sand... I did that for so long as well, I think most of us do... we stop looking in the mirror and we stop stepping on the scales, and we do what ever we have to do to keep from acknowledging that there is a problem...
What really kicked me in the but was my health... the fact of the matter is that I was not going to live a whole lot longer if I did not make some drastic changes very quickly...So I started doing what I had to do... and one of the first things I did and one of the best things I did was to start seeing a therapist, and I made myself a promise... I promised myself that she would be the one person on earth that I would be be brutally honest with... no hiding, no hedging, no caring what she thought about me... there was absolutely no point in doing this if I was not going to be honest and I just did not have the time to play games with her or with myself... and even today, I still say it was the best decision I ever made... the second was to get the surgery...
I actually started this journey 10 years ago.. just before I would turn 40... I had so much inner work to do before I could even begin to think about the outside...
there is a proverb that says, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" I have been blessed during this time with reading the right book at the right moment, listening to the right lecture at the right moment, each step of the way was guided by a loving hand and it brought me to where I am now... for which I will forever be eternally grateful
Last week I truly began the first steps on my journey to a better life. I am taking all the steps to get the gastric lap band surgery and this is an honest record of that journey. Why do I say that the butterfly is sprouting wings? Because I have felt like I have been in a cocoon for the last 10 or so of my life, and with all the changes I have going on this year, I feel like I’m fighting my way out of the cocoon now, and soon will be sitting in the sun letting my wings dry preparing to take glorious flight.
These are pictures of how I am now. To say that I hate to have my picture taken is a massive understatement. This is not what I look like in my minds eye… that person just can not really be me. I have spent the last 10 years or so never really looking at my self in the mirror, at least not below my shoulders, so at some point what I have allowed my self to become was a huge horrible shock.,
I have become that person I swore I never would. Looks like the jokes on me
I did not really start out this way. Yes I was a big child, but nothing like this. I was always very tall for my age and bigger then the other kids, but I was healthy. I was active. I was not this. I am sad and angry and mystified at how this all happened, but most of all I am determined that I will not go into the next part of my life like this. I will never be skinny, I will never be thin. That is not in my genetics. But what I will be is healthy. What I will be is active. What I will do is live, love and laugh, and make the absolute best of the rest of my life. I will be 50 years old next year. No longer can I hide in the cocoon of fat that I have created for myself. No longer am I safe here. It is time to take all that life can throw at me and grab hold for the ride. This is just the beginning, and I can’t wait for it to start. I am excited in a way that I have not been in many years. I am hopeful for the future and all that it holds.
I Like what I wrote here... and I am very happy to say that I am even more excited about what the future has to offer, but more importantly I think is that for the most part I wake each day with joy in my heart and an excitement for my life today. Now a life without all the meds that I was on, a life that includes walking and breathing at the same time...I feel a lightness now that really has nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with learning to love myself, and learning to take care of my self and coming to the realization that I am worth it.. what every it is, I am worth it... A beautiful woman named Teresa from
http://teresajourneyshome.wordpress.com/author/teresajourneyshome/ wrote today about the story of the butterfly's struggle from the cocoon....
Struggle is Good! I Want to Fly!
Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.
As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly
I love this story... It reminds me of all the struggles I have had to get to this point and it tells me that there has been a purpose in all of it... and that purpose is to create in me the person I was created to be... I will fly... I will stretch my wings and fly...and am actually in the process of learning to do just that right now...
In her post Teresa talks about sticking her head in the sand... I did that for so long as well, I think most of us do... we stop looking in the mirror and we stop stepping on the scales, and we do what ever we have to do to keep from acknowledging that there is a problem...
What really kicked me in the but was my health... the fact of the matter is that I was not going to live a whole lot longer if I did not make some drastic changes very quickly...So I started doing what I had to do... and one of the first things I did and one of the best things I did was to start seeing a therapist, and I made myself a promise... I promised myself that she would be the one person on earth that I would be be brutally honest with... no hiding, no hedging, no caring what she thought about me... there was absolutely no point in doing this if I was not going to be honest and I just did not have the time to play games with her or with myself... and even today, I still say it was the best decision I ever made... the second was to get the surgery...
I actually started this journey 10 years ago.. just before I would turn 40... I had so much inner work to do before I could even begin to think about the outside...
there is a proverb that says, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" I have been blessed during this time with reading the right book at the right moment, listening to the right lecture at the right moment, each step of the way was guided by a loving hand and it brought me to where I am now... for which I will forever be eternally grateful
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
People in our lives are there for a reason
I was thinking about someone who had helped me greatly on this journey that I am on this morning and tried to look him up... We lost touch last year and I had no other way of getting in touch with him at the time. Because he was in very poor health and the last call we had he tried to tell me good by ( but I did not let him), I assumed that he had passed away. I was angry. And I got stuck there for a while.
This morning I was reading an article on how the relationships in our lives are there to help create in us the people we were created to be, and my heart soften, I remembered all the things I had learned while in the relationship with this man. He really taught me so very much about myself. Loving him really was one of the best things in my life. Though I really believed that he had past away, finding out that it was true... that broke my heart.
What did I learn from him. I think the most important thing he taught me was that I could really love again, and that there was someone out there I could connect with on the level that I wanted to connect with. At the time I had met this man I had not really fallen in love in many many years. I thought I had already had and lost my "one" true love and that was that. He showed me otherwise and so very much more.
Being with him showed me how I had always lost myself in the relationships I was in, always trying to be what/who I "thought" the other person wanted me to be rather then just being "me" the person they were attracted to in the first place.
Being with him also showed me how I was drawn to men who where so very much like my biological father, in looks but also in personality and characteristics. Now this was very interesting to me since I never really knew my biological father...I did not meat him till I was 16 and only saw him a handful of times till he passed away last year.
About two years ago I had the opportunity to get many of the men who had shared my life together in the same room, and it was quite frightening, not only did they share the same physical characteristics for the most part, but they all had similar personalities, just different extremes. And they were all wounded, they all were emotionally distant. They all had beards, they all (with the exception of one ) were varying degrees of over weight, they were all "rough" men capable of a little class when needed. They were all aged bad boys to different degrees.
This man I am writing about was no different. And I loved him deeply, I still do and always will. Just as I love all the men who have been part of my life.
My relationship with this man though was what opened my eyes to this pattern in my life. He was never satisfied with the status quo, he wanted to know why I did things that I did, Why did I change who I was to try and make him happy? And in asking those kinds of questions and demanding answers from me, he taught me so very much about myself. We had a deep intellectual connection... we "got" each other. He was not perfect, far from it... But he was totally honest with me from the beginning, and we could talk... really talk.. I have really missed him in my life, I have missed the conversations we had.
He also helped to vastly improve my life. He wanted only the best for me, and helped me find the desire for the best for myself within myself. Because of him I was able to quit smoking... he gave me a whole new way of thinking about it that was so instrumental in my being about to lay them down and never pick them up again. I know he would have been so happy to see the changes that I have made in my life and happier still to know that I made them for myself... I will continue to miss him, and continue to love him, and today I really begin mourning for the loss of him. I am no longer angry, just grieving the loss of his own brand of brilliance, while celebrating that same brand of brilliance. Leonard Cass of Spencer Tennessee, you are greatly loved and greatly missed.
This morning I was reading an article on how the relationships in our lives are there to help create in us the people we were created to be, and my heart soften, I remembered all the things I had learned while in the relationship with this man. He really taught me so very much about myself. Loving him really was one of the best things in my life. Though I really believed that he had past away, finding out that it was true... that broke my heart.
What did I learn from him. I think the most important thing he taught me was that I could really love again, and that there was someone out there I could connect with on the level that I wanted to connect with. At the time I had met this man I had not really fallen in love in many many years. I thought I had already had and lost my "one" true love and that was that. He showed me otherwise and so very much more.
Being with him showed me how I had always lost myself in the relationships I was in, always trying to be what/who I "thought" the other person wanted me to be rather then just being "me" the person they were attracted to in the first place.
Being with him also showed me how I was drawn to men who where so very much like my biological father, in looks but also in personality and characteristics. Now this was very interesting to me since I never really knew my biological father...I did not meat him till I was 16 and only saw him a handful of times till he passed away last year.
About two years ago I had the opportunity to get many of the men who had shared my life together in the same room, and it was quite frightening, not only did they share the same physical characteristics for the most part, but they all had similar personalities, just different extremes. And they were all wounded, they all were emotionally distant. They all had beards, they all (with the exception of one ) were varying degrees of over weight, they were all "rough" men capable of a little class when needed. They were all aged bad boys to different degrees.
This man I am writing about was no different. And I loved him deeply, I still do and always will. Just as I love all the men who have been part of my life.
My relationship with this man though was what opened my eyes to this pattern in my life. He was never satisfied with the status quo, he wanted to know why I did things that I did, Why did I change who I was to try and make him happy? And in asking those kinds of questions and demanding answers from me, he taught me so very much about myself. We had a deep intellectual connection... we "got" each other. He was not perfect, far from it... But he was totally honest with me from the beginning, and we could talk... really talk.. I have really missed him in my life, I have missed the conversations we had.
He also helped to vastly improve my life. He wanted only the best for me, and helped me find the desire for the best for myself within myself. Because of him I was able to quit smoking... he gave me a whole new way of thinking about it that was so instrumental in my being about to lay them down and never pick them up again. I know he would have been so happy to see the changes that I have made in my life and happier still to know that I made them for myself... I will continue to miss him, and continue to love him, and today I really begin mourning for the loss of him. I am no longer angry, just grieving the loss of his own brand of brilliance, while celebrating that same brand of brilliance. Leonard Cass of Spencer Tennessee, you are greatly loved and greatly missed.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Bariatric Vagina MonoBLOG…The Angry Vagina! « Teresa Journeys Home
Bariatric Vagina MonoBLOG…The Angry Vagina! « Teresa Journeys Home
This is a truly amazing blog...the connection that I feel with Teresa floors me sometimes
This is a truly amazing blog...the connection that I feel with Teresa floors me sometimes
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Years Resolutions or not
With the new year upon us, and so many posting on whether they are going to do a new years resolution I have been thinking on this hard.. for about a week now it has been steeping at the back of my mind...
I don't want to actually do a new years resolution because to me, for me it has a negative connotation to it... I have change something... so I want to put a positive spin on it...No resolutions, but I do have goals I want to meet this year... I think that is why I was able to do most of the things I set out to do last year, I set down just a few well thought out goals for my year and then stuck with it until I met them... (which by the way was a miracle in itself...)
So that decision made, no resolutions, goals instead...exactly what do I want to do this year? What is it that I want to achieve? How will I go about achieving them?
what were the goals that I set out last year?
1. do what I had to do to get the bariatric surgery.
2. do what I had to do to ensure that the surgery was a success.
3. concentrate on myself for the whole year. A gift to myself.
4. quit smoking
What is it that I wanted to achieve from these goals? I wanted a better self image. I wanted to stop being so sick and tired all the time. I had high everything, blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, sleep apnea, copd, asthma, I was on oxygen, and a cpap machine... and I was just turning 49. I was also 379 pounds in Feb last year. I was depressed and in pain and I could not walk and breathe at the same time. I wanted to change my life...I wanted to live my life... I wanted to feel passion again about something, anything... I wanted to feel better... Hell, I wanted anything other then what I had.
So what did I do? I went to my surgeons seminar for the surgery, I filled out the paper work and sent it in and got my appointment. (that's when I found out that I would have to quit smoking)... On Feb 7th I had my last cigarette as I was going to the hospital because I could not breathe. I spent a few days in the hospital and came out a non smoker... a week later the doctor put me on oxygen... fun...I also started seeing a therapist... who I adore.. we dealt with so many issues in the six months that I was seeing her.
I went to every appointment and jumped through every hoop that was required of me to do what I knew I had to do... and on October 11 I got the surgery... since my highest weight at 379 in Feb, and the 352 I weighed when I had the surgery I am now below 300... I am off blood pressure meds, I am off blood sugar meds, I am off the oxygen... I can actually walk and breathe at the same time... (yeah me)...and where I actually hated my life, I love my life... I have learned to love myself, that I am actually worth the effort that I am putting into myself... and so are my children and my grandchildren and my friends they are all worth the effort that I am putting into myself so I can stick around for all of them, and hopefully show them that they are worth it as well...
I have a long way to go to reach my goal of 150 and that goal is not set in stone... ultimately I just want to be where ever I am the healthiest, happiest me I can be, I don't mind taking some time to get there. I don't sweat it when my body decides to hang on to a couple of pounds for a week or so as it adjust to the new me... I know that as long as I am doing what I need to do it will come off...
So again back to the main question, exactly what goals do I have for this year?
This year I am turning 50...
1. I want to go on a cruise. I really don't care where, but I want to go on a great big ship and go out in the ocean and sail around for a while... like with most things in my life, its not so much about the destination as it is about the journey.
2. I want to get a DSLR camera. I love photography. it is one of those things that I am passionate about. I want to pursue that passion this year.
3. Photo Shop... this one ties in with the one above...its also about pursuing that passion.
4. I want to find a personal trainer who I can connect with, to help me in my goal to be as healthy as I can be.
5. I want to have my own place. It occurred to me that I have never lived alone...I am going to be 50 years old and I have never lived alone... I want to get a small apartment, and even if it is just for a while, I want my own place. I want to decorate it the way I like, I want to get the furniture that is my style. I am discovering who I am... what I like, and I want to continue that.
6. I want to help others...this one is kinda broad but I really do want to help others feel like a success on their journey.
7. I want to go to a Obesity Help confrence. I want to meet the people who I have come to care for on line.
Last year, I gave myself the gift of concentrating on myself. I give that same gift to myself again. I have learned that rather then making me shallow, or selfish, or conceited... in giving myself time, I have more time and energy for others... in taking care of myself, I am better equipped to take care of others, which is one of the things that gives me joy...
So those are my goals for 2011... my 50th year... I will make more along the way, goals for the day, week month, moment... mostly I want to Live, Love and Laugh throughout this whole year...
I don't want to actually do a new years resolution because to me, for me it has a negative connotation to it... I have change something... so I want to put a positive spin on it...No resolutions, but I do have goals I want to meet this year... I think that is why I was able to do most of the things I set out to do last year, I set down just a few well thought out goals for my year and then stuck with it until I met them... (which by the way was a miracle in itself...)
So that decision made, no resolutions, goals instead...exactly what do I want to do this year? What is it that I want to achieve? How will I go about achieving them?
what were the goals that I set out last year?
1. do what I had to do to get the bariatric surgery.
2. do what I had to do to ensure that the surgery was a success.
3. concentrate on myself for the whole year. A gift to myself.
4. quit smoking
What is it that I wanted to achieve from these goals? I wanted a better self image. I wanted to stop being so sick and tired all the time. I had high everything, blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, sleep apnea, copd, asthma, I was on oxygen, and a cpap machine... and I was just turning 49. I was also 379 pounds in Feb last year. I was depressed and in pain and I could not walk and breathe at the same time. I wanted to change my life...I wanted to live my life... I wanted to feel passion again about something, anything... I wanted to feel better... Hell, I wanted anything other then what I had.
So what did I do? I went to my surgeons seminar for the surgery, I filled out the paper work and sent it in and got my appointment. (that's when I found out that I would have to quit smoking)... On Feb 7th I had my last cigarette as I was going to the hospital because I could not breathe. I spent a few days in the hospital and came out a non smoker... a week later the doctor put me on oxygen... fun...I also started seeing a therapist... who I adore.. we dealt with so many issues in the six months that I was seeing her.
I went to every appointment and jumped through every hoop that was required of me to do what I knew I had to do... and on October 11 I got the surgery... since my highest weight at 379 in Feb, and the 352 I weighed when I had the surgery I am now below 300... I am off blood pressure meds, I am off blood sugar meds, I am off the oxygen... I can actually walk and breathe at the same time... (yeah me)...and where I actually hated my life, I love my life... I have learned to love myself, that I am actually worth the effort that I am putting into myself... and so are my children and my grandchildren and my friends they are all worth the effort that I am putting into myself so I can stick around for all of them, and hopefully show them that they are worth it as well...
I have a long way to go to reach my goal of 150 and that goal is not set in stone... ultimately I just want to be where ever I am the healthiest, happiest me I can be, I don't mind taking some time to get there. I don't sweat it when my body decides to hang on to a couple of pounds for a week or so as it adjust to the new me... I know that as long as I am doing what I need to do it will come off...
So again back to the main question, exactly what goals do I have for this year?
This year I am turning 50...
1. I want to go on a cruise. I really don't care where, but I want to go on a great big ship and go out in the ocean and sail around for a while... like with most things in my life, its not so much about the destination as it is about the journey.
2. I want to get a DSLR camera. I love photography. it is one of those things that I am passionate about. I want to pursue that passion this year.
3. Photo Shop... this one ties in with the one above...its also about pursuing that passion.
4. I want to find a personal trainer who I can connect with, to help me in my goal to be as healthy as I can be.
5. I want to have my own place. It occurred to me that I have never lived alone...I am going to be 50 years old and I have never lived alone... I want to get a small apartment, and even if it is just for a while, I want my own place. I want to decorate it the way I like, I want to get the furniture that is my style. I am discovering who I am... what I like, and I want to continue that.
6. I want to help others...this one is kinda broad but I really do want to help others feel like a success on their journey.
7. I want to go to a Obesity Help confrence. I want to meet the people who I have come to care for on line.
Last year, I gave myself the gift of concentrating on myself. I give that same gift to myself again. I have learned that rather then making me shallow, or selfish, or conceited... in giving myself time, I have more time and energy for others... in taking care of myself, I am better equipped to take care of others, which is one of the things that gives me joy...
So those are my goals for 2011... my 50th year... I will make more along the way, goals for the day, week month, moment... mostly I want to Live, Love and Laugh throughout this whole year...
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Carrabba's
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Carrabba's: "http://www.carrabbas.com/ Tonight a friend and I went to Carrabba's for dinner. I have to say that we had a wonderful time. It was the first..."
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Rib City N. Ft Myers, FL
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Rib City N. Ft Myers, FL: "Tonight we when to Rib City in N.Ft.Myers for dinner. I have to admit that I am enjoying going out to eat more. Its not just about the food ..."
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Boat House Bar and Grill, Ft Myers
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Boat House Bar and Grill, Ft Myers: " Boathouse Bar and Grill This I have to admit was not my first visit to Boathouse Bar and Grill on Daniels Parkway, next to I-75 in Ft..."
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Perkins Family Restruants
Dining Out Bariatric Style: Perkins Family Restruants: "Finding somewhere to eat on Christmas morning is not all that easy. We finally ended up at Perkins Family Restaurant on Homestead in Lehigh ..."
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
New Years Resolutions
Every year before Christmas I start thinking about the year to come. I get a sense of what that year may have in store for me, and plan accordingly. Now I will admit that I have been ADD most of my life and usually "forget" that I even made plans for the new year, much less what they were by the time January 1 rolls around, but the last couple of years have been a little different. I have not "forgotten" and this past year I actually was able to do everything I set out to do this year. OK so my big goal this year was to get bariatric surgery, but those of you on this journey know how hard that can be. For someone with ADD it can become impossible.. we forget appointments, and fail to follow through especially when we hit a little resistance, and there was plenty of that. I am proud of my accomplishments this past year, and whats more is that the success I feel sets me up for more success this coming year... woo woo... how awesome is that.
So, what do I want out of the year to come? What is it that I want to accomplish this year? I will be turning 50 in March so that factors into my goals as well... that is such a Hugh milestone. Other things that factor in, is the fact that I did have bariatric surgery this year, and my body will be different, my health is improved, my energy levels are up... all of this factors into what I want my next year to be.
1. I want to go on a Cruise for my birthday. The destination to me is not as important as the journey. The Bahamas would be nice, but so would the virgin islands or even Porto Rico. For me it really is about the journey at least this time. 
2.a I want to find a personal trainer to work with me on getting more physically fit. Now that I can move some, now that I have more energy, I want to use it... I want to improve it.
2.b On that note I want to join a gym and start working out regularly. This is difficult...besides the whole ADD thing, there is the fact that I have never worked out on a regular basis for more then a couple of weeks at the most in my life... I want to change that.
3. I want a DSLR camera. My passion is photography, and it has been that passion that has kept me moving toward my goal of becoming healthier and more fit. I want to continue to pursue that passion.
5. I want to keep going on this same path that I have found myself, physically with the weight loss and better health of course, but also mentally and emotionally, and spiritually... I am loving my life, and learning to love and respect me...
Last year I gave myself the gift of One Year, where my main focus would be on myself. Not something that was easy for me. I was one of those people who would put what everyone else wanted and needed above myself. Because of some early issues and emotional trauma in my life, I guess I did not feel that I was worthy of my attention. Everyone else came first and it made me feel good to be that way. It worked for me for many years, but then like some many other dysfunctional mindsets at some point it ceased to work for me but I was stuck in that singular way of doing things. One of my goals for last year was to break that mindset. To learn that I really am worth my attention. I learned so much from that... I learned that focusing on myself did not make me selfish or greedy, instead it gave me the energy and desire to do for others, but from a different perspective. Not because I had to, or was suppose to, but because I wanted to...When I am doing for others now its with joy in my heart, not from a sense of obligation. So I think I am going to give myself another year. I've earned it... and I am worth it...
I can not wait to see what the new year brings.
Friday, December 17, 2010
This piture was taken at the start of my 'journey". Feb 2010. I believe I was at my heaviest here, 379. I just quit smoking but I would soon be on oxygen 24/7. I could not breathe and walk at the same time. I had high blood sugar, high blood pressure, high cholesteral, high triglicerides, COPD, asthma, sever sleep apnea, and a god awful perm. I was depressed (who wouldn't be?) 
10/5 One week before surgery, I was at 352, having lost 27 pounds before surgery. I was doing somewhat better. I was still on oxygen alot of the time, but not 24/7. I was excited about the up coming surgery. 
12/1/2010... 300 pounds. I was so excited to see that number... this is the least I have weighed in the last 5 years...79 pounds and 26 inches so far...I can breathe, I am off of the oxygen, my blood sugar is down, my blood pressure is down, I am sleeping so much better, and actually feeling rested in the mornings. I have more energy, and just plain feel so much better. You really dont know how bad you feel until you stop feeling bad. I am excited about my life. I am looking forward to each and every day... I am well and truly blessed.
Destined to Transform
DestinyDeb's Transformation... an interesting title if I do say so myself. At the time I was choosing it, I don't think I really gave it much thought. But now... lets see what it really says...
Wikipedia says Destiny refers to a predetermined course of events.[1] It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual. It is a concept based on the belief that there is a fixed natural order to the cosmos.
plural des·ti·nies
Definition of DESTINY
1: something to which a person or thing is destined : fortune <wants to control his own destiny>
2: a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency
Definition of TRANSFORMATION
1: an act, process, or instance of transforming or being transformed
Definition of TRANSFORM
transitive verb
1a : to change in composition or structure b : to change the outward form or appearance of c : to change in character or condition : convert
A predetermined coarse of events, that led to an act, process, or instance of changing in composition, or structure, the outward appearance and/or the character or condition...
I like that... and it really describes my life to date.
I remember being in my friends house, discussing destiny and predetermination, and at the time I just could not accept it. I was so angry, so wounded and hurt, I remember after "debating" the subject for a while, turning to her and saying, "if predestination is true, then God and I have a problem". and that ended that discussion. It was so hard for me to see in that moment that maybe there was a purpose and a plan for my life, and for all the things I had gone through up to that point. But that moment I think truly began the journey that I have been on ever since.
Let me tell you that I love my life and I love the person I have grown to be, and that in and of itself is a miracle. There was a time that I hated myself and my life to such a degree that I wanted to end both my life and myself. A time when I was in so much pain emotionally and mentally that I just could not function. The only reason I did not become a drug addict or alcholic was because I could not afford it. I had dealt with every kind of abuse imaginable, sexual abuse, emotional, mental, physical abuse, abandonment, rejection. I felt worthless and not only unloved but unlovable. I was trying to care for 4 children alone in poverty, I could not afford to go to work, the cost of day care alone was more then I could have made in a week. For someone to try and tell me then that every thing I had gone through was predestined, or preordained, theatened my faith, and everything else.
Now 20 years later I can see how all of that was part of "creating in me the person I was created to be". The "transformation" that has happened over the last 20 years and the transformation that is still happening is amazing, and one that I am eternally grateful for. The "outside" transformation has just begun. Like a butterfly I think the most important part of the transformation is done inside, hidden from all others... and it is only once that transformation is complete that you can escape from the cocoon and begin to fly.
Where once I hate my life and wanted to end it, Now I love my life and am excited to see what is coming up next. Where once I hate myself and did not want to keep living, Now I can not wait to see what each day brings. I wake up with joy every morning. And because of all that I have been through, I have great appreciation for that joy, for the peace and contentment that I have discovered in my life, and in myself.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The Beginning
I was wondering where to start with this, I have been keeping a blog at ObesityHelp.com for a while now, but am ready to try something different...
That is really what all this is about isn't it, doing something different...
Let me start somewhat at the beginning. On October 11, 2010 I had bariatric surgery done. After a life time of Obesity, I took the very drastic step of having surgery. The first week I lost 25 pounds. Whoo Hooo you may be saying, (I was) but that really is not realistic, and I knew that as well. The second week, I lost 6 pounds, much more realistic.
I have promised myself that I will not allow myself to weigh more then once a week. I have seen way to many posts where someone has had their day or week ruined because the scale did not move, I refuse to live and die by the scale.
Right now I am on mushy foods. One of the things that bothered me is that I happen to enjoy food. I enjoy cooking, and I enjoy eating "really good" food, and I refuse to take the mind set that food in my enemy. I was concerned that part of who I am would have to change, and it has... its even more so... when I can only eat a few bites of something I want those few bites to count... I want them to be bursting with flavor. So now I think about how I can make something taste better.
For instance.. I went to the farmers market and bought 2 yellow summer squash,(1.00) 2 zucchini (1.00) and 2 sweet potatoes (1.00), and 1 bag of baby spinach (1.00) so for 4.00 I have veggies for more then a week
Summer Squash and Zucchini with canned chicken
I sliced 1 squash and 1 zucchini and 1/2 yellow onion thinly
and then sauteed it in a little olive oil and a pat of unsalted butter til tender
then I added the can of chicken, drained, and 1 chicken bouillon cube with 1 cup of water, with some garlic power and celery salt... I simmered this until the broth reduced...
This was soft enough to mush up with a fork and was OMG good...
This makes about 3 or 4 cups of food, but I can only eat a spoonful, (about 1 to 1 1/2 ounce) so this makes many meals for me. The rest of the family even liked it and I had to hide it so I could have some later :-)
Sauteed Baby Spinach
1/2 pound of fresh baby spinach, rinsed, drained and patted dry
2 slices of bacon
about 1/2 med yellow onion (what was left over from the squash)
1/2 cup of water
1 chicken bouillon cube
I diced the bacon and sauteed it, I added diced onion and cooked both till the fat rendered out of the bacon and it was crispy and the onions were translucent, I then added the baby spinach and sauteed it till it cooked down... it would be wonderful for anyone at this point but was still not tender enough for my purposes, I then added the the chicken cube and water and simmered it till the water was reduced, I then put it all in a food processor and pureed it...
I added a spoon full (about 1 oz ) to my plate and topped it with a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese... OMG that was delicious.
These are two very simple recipes, but full of flavor, made with fresh organic produce and cost me very little.
Yes I have to change.. that's what transformation is really all about isn't it? The thing is, change does not have to mean stop, or different... change can mean better, improved, I have to change the way I deal with food, but I don't have to change the fact that I enjoy food and like to cook... that is part of who I am and one of the many parts that I like about me.
That is really what all this is about isn't it, doing something different...
Let me start somewhat at the beginning. On October 11, 2010 I had bariatric surgery done. After a life time of Obesity, I took the very drastic step of having surgery. The first week I lost 25 pounds. Whoo Hooo you may be saying, (I was) but that really is not realistic, and I knew that as well. The second week, I lost 6 pounds, much more realistic.
I have promised myself that I will not allow myself to weigh more then once a week. I have seen way to many posts where someone has had their day or week ruined because the scale did not move, I refuse to live and die by the scale.
Right now I am on mushy foods. One of the things that bothered me is that I happen to enjoy food. I enjoy cooking, and I enjoy eating "really good" food, and I refuse to take the mind set that food in my enemy. I was concerned that part of who I am would have to change, and it has... its even more so... when I can only eat a few bites of something I want those few bites to count... I want them to be bursting with flavor. So now I think about how I can make something taste better.
For instance.. I went to the farmers market and bought 2 yellow summer squash,(1.00) 2 zucchini (1.00) and 2 sweet potatoes (1.00), and 1 bag of baby spinach (1.00) so for 4.00 I have veggies for more then a week
Summer Squash and Zucchini with canned chicken
I sliced 1 squash and 1 zucchini and 1/2 yellow onion thinly
and then sauteed it in a little olive oil and a pat of unsalted butter til tender
then I added the can of chicken, drained, and 1 chicken bouillon cube with 1 cup of water, with some garlic power and celery salt... I simmered this until the broth reduced...
This was soft enough to mush up with a fork and was OMG good...
This makes about 3 or 4 cups of food, but I can only eat a spoonful, (about 1 to 1 1/2 ounce) so this makes many meals for me. The rest of the family even liked it and I had to hide it so I could have some later :-)
Sauteed Baby Spinach
1/2 pound of fresh baby spinach, rinsed, drained and patted dry
2 slices of bacon
about 1/2 med yellow onion (what was left over from the squash)
1/2 cup of water
1 chicken bouillon cube
I diced the bacon and sauteed it, I added diced onion and cooked both till the fat rendered out of the bacon and it was crispy and the onions were translucent, I then added the baby spinach and sauteed it till it cooked down... it would be wonderful for anyone at this point but was still not tender enough for my purposes, I then added the the chicken cube and water and simmered it till the water was reduced, I then put it all in a food processor and pureed it...
I added a spoon full (about 1 oz ) to my plate and topped it with a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese... OMG that was delicious.
These are two very simple recipes, but full of flavor, made with fresh organic produce and cost me very little.
Yes I have to change.. that's what transformation is really all about isn't it? The thing is, change does not have to mean stop, or different... change can mean better, improved, I have to change the way I deal with food, but I don't have to change the fact that I enjoy food and like to cook... that is part of who I am and one of the many parts that I like about me.
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